Gents, you'll never have an easier time getting laid with as little effort put in as you will today. Many men consider this one of the worst Americanized holidays, and it is.. but it doesn't have to be. Do you realize how many single, lonely, desperate, jealous women there are out there today? More than I'll have time to stick my manhood in, that's for sure. Fellas, if you're alone and are sick and tired of not getting any, GO TO THE BAR TONIGHT. Not 'O Flannery Irish pub down the street, either. Go to a mid-scale club, and you'll notice something that is difficult to spot any other day of the year. You'll notice women. Most of the will be alone. You'll notice a desperation in their eyes that is practically begging you to buy them a drink and talk to them.
Why, you ask? It's not that they actually want somebody. It's that one or more of their girlfriends has a boyfriend to be with them, buying them outlandish sh*t that they don't need. Women don't like the idea of other women getting sh*t that they don't, which is why women hold grudges against one another indefinitely. That's where the magic happens, babies. Women need someone today. As a matter of fact, many women keep an unofficial tab on today's date, attempting to secure a boyfriend (or at least a date) before today arrives. The ones who have failed will either be eating ice cream at home watching Sex and The City and crying, or they will suck it up, put on their sluttiest outfit, and wait for a guy to buy them a drink at the bar, potentially filling them up later on that night.
So men, please. Do not be bitter. Do not feel alone. Trust me, single women today are far worse off than we are. If you want an easy catch, go to the bar tonight. I would, honestly, but I don't have to. I put my legwork in ahead of time.
I wasn't sick. Note: Names and dates have been protected just by the odd chance that if this blog is found, I can somehow OJ Simpson my way out of the situation. I'd bet my last dollar or my left leg that this person (or one of the other lonely broads) on my contact list will text me or call me with the same plea. Why? As I've said, I've already done my legwork. You won't find yours truly at the bar tonight fellas, but if you do go, a handful of lonely women invading your inbox on a weekly basis could be in your immediate future. Trust me, I would never intentionally steer you wrong. Go get lucky.