Friday, February 18, 2011

Anti-Chinese Propaganda Video is fairly horrifying.

While I agree that the snowball effect of our deficit is really getting out of hand, there's no need to scare the average American Joe Blow into "fighting for the cause". Watch this video, if you're American it should sufficiently make a few drops of pee come out:

Sweet God. Regardless, my point still stands. What can we, the American people do about it? Revolt? Riot? Revolution? It will not happen, at least not until gas is 15 dollars a gallon, and they freeze all of our bank accounts. If it's our job to stop our government from spending unnecessarily, how the hell are we going to do it? Our federal government insists on policing the world, thereby spending a huge chunk of our annual taxable GDP on the military. It's funny that neither party ever mentions it, but argues over peanuts like welfare. One thing's certain - the system our parents and grandparents have setup will destroy our generation. We are going to have to pay for their mistakes. Thanks a lot, grandpa.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Oh yeah, Christina Grimmie, you so hot bb. I would love to - oh wait WTF oh God no

Christina Grimmie, YouTube singing sensation, amazing voice. I watched this video recently, and immediately fell in love with her Mickey Mouse cuteness, even with that stupid emo haircut she's rocking:

So I look on, and check out a couple more videos..

YUP, NEVERMIND. I'd love to know whose great idea it was to shoot her straight-forward and apply the right makeup in the "Just A Dream" video, because that person deserves a f*cking award. That's special effects even Michael Bay and James Cameron couldn't have come up with. Incredible. Who am I kidding anyway.. I'd still hit it.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Does it even matter who wins a Grammy anymore?

It certainly doesn't seem to. Winning a Grammy used to be a symbol of talent, respect, and musical/critical acclaim - it was a dream sought after amongst every musician, from every genre. Nowadays however, if a musician sells millions of songs on iTunes, who the hell needs a Grammy? People don't even seemingly care who wins anymore, and generally just watch the award show to see who wears the more outlandish bullsh*t outfit. What did we get this year? A few interesting performances, and Lady Gaga in a f*cking demon egg. Let's talk about a couple of the performances, as I don't care about the winners. Here were my two personal favorites:

Cee Lo Green (The Midget Pimp) and Gwyneth Paltrow (fucking really?) - Forget You

I actually liked this performance. Cee Lo is a talented, albeit absolutely silly physically looking artist. I'm down with the gay peacock deal, do your thang Mr. Green. I also love muppets, as I and most of America was raised on them. The pug dog doing the Dirty Dancing routine next to the piano was particularly amusing. With that being said, the fuck is Paltrow doing there? This I certainly did not understand. She can't even sing well, and she has no ass to boot. What the f*ck was Cee Lo thinking? He must be trying to hit it. All I'm saying is that if she keeps ruining his songs like this, one day her head may end up in a box, Se7en style.

Eminem, Skylar Grey, and Dr. Dre - I Need A Doctor

This performance was interesting as well. Eminem is vibrant as usual, making every fan's panties wet within a 2 mile radius, so there's not much else to be said there. Skylar Grey is a name that's not very well known in music yet, but I'm willing to be that it will be. Formerly known as Holly Brook, she used to write lesbian, pro-Lilith Fair style coffee house music. Within the last couple of years, she changed her stage name, sold out, and started writing popular hooks for rappers and R&B singers. Thank you for making the change baby, the hooks on the songs you've written are absolutely amazing. She came into the spotlight briefly with "Where Did You Go" by Fort Minor, and has since written for Christina Aguilera, Rihanna, Dirty Money, and others. Chick is going to be huge in 2011, and I wish her all the best (partially because I really want to have s3x with her).

Lady Gaga shows up with slaves in an egg

Title says it all. It's Lady Gaga in a f*cking dinosaur-lucifer egg being carried by slaves. I bet that black guy in the back is pissed off at his agent. I'm not going to review her performance, f*ck her. She gets enough attention as it is.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Men: Lonely and bitter on Valentine's Day? Go get some!

Gents, you'll never have an easier time getting laid with as little effort put in as you will today. Many men consider this one of the worst Americanized holidays, and it is.. but it doesn't have to be. Do you realize how many single, lonely, desperate, jealous women there are out there today? More than I'll have time to stick my manhood in, that's for sure. Fellas, if you're alone and are sick and tired of not getting any, GO TO THE BAR TONIGHT. Not 'O Flannery Irish pub down the street, either. Go to a mid-scale club, and you'll notice something that is difficult to spot any other day of the year. You'll notice women. Most of the will be alone. You'll notice a desperation in their eyes that is practically begging you to buy them a drink and talk to them.

Why, you ask? It's not that they actually want somebody. It's that one or more of their girlfriends has a boyfriend to be with them, buying them outlandish sh*t that they don't need. Women don't like the idea of other women getting sh*t that they don't, which is why women hold grudges against one another indefinitely. That's where the magic happens, babies. Women need someone today. As a matter of fact, many women keep an unofficial tab on today's date, attempting to secure a boyfriend (or at least a date) before today arrives. The ones who have failed will either be eating ice cream at home watching Sex and The City and crying, or they will suck it up, put on their sluttiest outfit, and wait for a guy to buy them a drink at the bar, potentially filling them up later on that night.

So men, please. Do not be bitter. Do not feel alone. Trust me, single women today are far worse off than we are. If you want an easy catch, go to the bar tonight. I would, honestly, but I don't have to. I put my legwork in ahead of time.

I wasn't sick. Note: Names and dates have been protected just by the odd chance that if this blog is found, I can somehow OJ Simpson my way out of the situation. I'd bet my last dollar or my left leg that this person (or one of the other lonely broads) on my contact list will text me or call me with the same plea. Why? As I've said, I've already done my legwork. You won't find yours truly at the bar tonight fellas, but if you do go, a handful of lonely women invading your inbox on a weekly basis could be in your immediate future. Trust me, I would never intentionally steer you wrong. Go get lucky.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

New style, same debauchery.

As last night didn't include any of my finest shining moments as a human being, I had an extremely painful hangover to recover from this morning, which is why I didn't update with anything particularly interesting. I apologize babies, but you have to give me a little credit - I SNAZZED UP THE JOINT! As you can see, I changed the layout slightly. Looking at my blog now makes me feel sexy inside. Because of the inspiration it now brings, I may as a matter of fact start riding horses in the spring time. Or play some tennis. Or read a book next to a babbling brook. Pretty much whatever is in those tampon commercials, that's what I now feel like doing.

I must give credit where credit is due. I follow the blog of the very talented photographer, Sean OLearris. This wallpaper now on here is actually a slightly manipulated rendition of one of his photos. If you enjoy looking at high quality work, take a look for yourselves and check out OLearris Photography at Subtle Shutter.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Why is internet dating still sad?

Within the last two decades, the internet has exploded to engulf many aspects of our lives, changing how people communicate, entertain themselves, and handle business indefinitely. The online dating boom followed these trends, forever erasing the stigma of being a loser because you're dating someone that you met on the internet. Everybody's doing it, so surely it's no longer something to be embarrassed about, right? Wrong. If you are female (especially if you're good looking), it's absolutely nothing to be embarrassed over in today's society. Why? It's simple: Everyone knows that women don't have an issue getting laid, even the horrifyingly ugly ones. If you're a male, you probably want to keep that OkCupid or Match profile hush hush, because unfortunately it's nothing to be proud of.

What actually makes this sad is that the general stigma still applies for the men who can't find women in a regular social environment. The very people online dating was made for should still feel ashamed for their participation, although the "hotness of humanity" gets a pass. What makes internet dating sites particularly pitiful to observe are the countless hordes of men who flock there because they have no game in the real world. It's a rough sight to see, because even as it pertains to internet dating only the seemingly attractive, charismatic, and outgoing men are landing anything worth bragging about to their friends. The poor, unkempt, superinternetvirginnerd still ends up batting flies in his room, eating pizza rolls, playing video games, and fantasizing about what it would feel like to hold a girl's hand. Forever alone.

I'm not trying to pick on you gentlemen, I feel for you. I want to help you get laid. I'm a nerd myself - although a gym membership, a persona which conveys confidence, witty vernacular, clothes without video game quotes on them, and a shower every once in a while make me appear attractive and desirable to the opposite sex.

I'm not the douchebag "Pick-Up Artist", so I'll stop right there - but fellas, if you're going to have a dating profile online, you'd better use the same tips you've been given in order to pick up women in the real world. Otherwise, you'll have wasted 12 hours setting up a page and hoping for a response when you could have productively spent that time leveling up in WoW and masturbating. God speed gentlemen.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Minecraft is becoming the new heroin of PC gaming.

Oh Minecraft, what have you done to my brain and soul within the last couple of weeks? If any of you fellow bloggers and readers haven't heard of Minecraft yet, let me break it down for you. Minecraft is a Java-written, in-browser supported sandbox style game in which your main objective involves building. You can build whatever you wish, so long as you have the items, tools, and materials for the said structures. You obtain everything by destroying your world-environment (which is seemingly endless, and made entirely of large 3D cubes) and obtaining the materials necessary for production.

You start out alone, in the middle of nowhere, with no armor or tools to speak of. How do you work without tools, you ask? By punching sh*t. That's right, for the first day or two you're going to literally be punching trees, dirt, sand blocks, and various other "natural" objects in the wild. Your first objective should be to build weak tools (which are acquired through wood, again, by f*cking punching trees) and attempt to build yourself a caveman/hobo style dirt hut to survive the night in. That's right, you must hide once the sun sets, for once there is no sunlight to protect you anymore, the monsters arrive. There are a handful of MOBS (what they're referred to in game speak), and the majority of them only come out at night to hand you a royal beating if you're not well-equipped.

Here's where the game starts getting interesting. In order to accumulate the most rare materials and items in the game, you either need to find natural caverns and caves to dig deep into, or straight-up dig yourself an endless grave from where ever you're standing. The MOBS thrive in dim-lit or no light areas, so prepare to die several times, losing all of your sh*t in the process.

This is a Creeper. Yes, I realize they look like gigantic green dongs with sad faces. They are the most vicious creature in the game, as they're able to walk in the sunlight and also blow up upon reaching you Kamikaze style, destroying most nearby land and structures, including your balls.

There is multiplayer mode on servers, in which several players can join together in collaboration of any "quest for sh*t", and building of various projects (the sky is literally the limit). This requires a premium account, but the game is not expensive - you can purchase a premium account which doesn't expire for around $20. The game is in beta, but according to the overweight Swedish creator of this time-vampire, a current purchase means that you'll still have full access once the official release is made publicly available. Here's a YouTube video of some of the more impressive things that can be created in this game:

As cheesy and awful as the game looks, it's actually very addictive, hence the post title. With that being said, be prepared to have your beautiful creations blasted to oblivion, inadvertently set on fire through flame or lava, flooded, or just straight up deleted (if you're on a server with issues). I spent a couple of weeks on a server with a handful of my friends, where I started fresh. By the end of that time-frame I had a sweet floating glass house, tons of great material, tools, and even a high-speed cart system setup for quick travel. I'd love to show you some screenshots, unfortunately the world my character lived in was completely annihilated. Yesterday I logged into Minecraft to find that the Administrator of said server I was playing on deleted f*cking everything, leaving me staring into an endless abyss of mother nature:

After building some necessary tools and making the equivalent of a cardboard box for shelter, I nerd style rage quit. Unfortunately I'm going back, because as I said, it has become the heroin of PC gaming. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a new home in Minecraft to build (that is, if I don't choose to cut my myself instead).

Thursday, February 10, 2011

What the hell happened to rap?

Within the last 2 decades, it seems clear to me that pop culture has degraded heavily, and in order to view how rapidly Western society has declined in terms of quality of entertainment, you'll need to look no further than hip-hop and rap music. When I was a child (late 80's, early 90's), I remember rap music being something fun, clean, vibrant, and generally speaking with a message behind it. How can we go from listening to our favorite rappers perform about important topics such as racial issues, equality, freedom, and social liberty to 26'' chrome rims, big-assed prostitutes, and selling crack cocaine? A pictorial representation by yours truly, if you will allow me to post an example:

Clearly the differences are undeniable. Now I realize there were some rappers "back in the day" that talked about ass and gold, but at least the English language was involved. I also realize that there are still technical rappers around today that perform about current events, unfortunately you don't hear any of these songs on the radio - our watered-down generation simply does not want to hear them.

If these trends follow suit, what will become of our society in say, 30 years? In 2041 will a performer jump on stage, have public anal sex with a groupie, grunt to the beat, and spit expensive liquor all over the crowd? Is that what we want? Something has to give.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Wow, EPSON. Thanks for raeping me dry.

I've just found out that EPSON printers will not allow you to print in black & white if any of your other color cartridges are low. Why, you ask? So EPSON can squeeze every penny out of you humanly possible, while filling all of your available holes with their loving. I've redesigned your slogan, I hope you don't mind - feel free to send a royalty check or two in the mail if you gangsters end up using it:

Seriously though, are they not profitable enough as it is? I was low on black, so I went out and purchased a black cartridge for 18 bucks. No, unfortunately that's just not going to cut it baby. You will buy the f*cking yellow as well, even if you have no intention of using yellow whatsoever. Fuck you EPSON.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

I've had this blog for less than a day, and am noticing a startling trend.

Can you tell me why ANY of you are still using Internet Explorer? You ladies and gents are going to make me a sad, sad man. For the love of sweet baby Jesus, get your asses on Google Chrome or Firefox. I prefer Chrome, as it's blazingly fast on my box in comparison to any other browser, although Firefox does have its advantages (great add-ons, support).

Just do yourself and humanity a favor: Get Google Chrome, or Firefox. Hell, get Opera. Almost anything performs faster and more secure than IE. If you're on a Mac, can Safari. It is the IE of the trendy Apple hipster.

Let's cut Ricky Gervais some slack.

Not too long ago the Golden Globes Award show took place, hosted by the hilarious comedian, Ricky Gervais. As plenty of you have most probably heard, he verbally roasted everyone under the sun, including Scarlett (would impregnate), Mel Gibson, Charlie Sheen, Robert Downey Jr., Tim Allen, Bruce Willis, and naturally Scientology. Realistically he took a verbal shot at almost everybody involved in the show whatsoever. The issue I have is, what's America's issue with it? Take a look for yourselves.

Apparently hundreds of thousands of people are "upset" at his behavior as a host. In the United States we witness brutal, abhorrent violence on network television on a daily basis. We watch and discuss raep, murder, and even cannibalism on our favorite cop dramas and the evening news (I use the word news lightly). Does a chubby Brit poking fun at our celebrities really aggravate that many of you? I'm still trying to figure out what the goofy-looking, tea and crumpet eating English prick has gotten all of this hate for. Sure he roasted them. Of course it's not generally done with that amount of brashness at an award show, but that's why it was a great performance. His jokes are on point, hilarious, and absolutely relevant.

Doesn't NBC like ratings? Honestly, the only viable conclusion I can come up with is that he made the Hollywood Forum Press and Scientology mad. These are two very powerful organizations/institutions, and his few off-the-cuff remarks about them both were hilariously harsh - not to mention true. According to several sources, Gervais will never host another Golden Globes again. Personally, I don't know what you wieners all have your panties in a bunch over. The man is hilarious. I say beg him to host the show again in 2012.